Ever have something really embarrassing happen during sex? How'd you get out of it?

I remember this one time, years ago, I was out on a date with some random off POF. I wasn't really that into her, but one thing led to another and we ended up back at my place. I was kinda hung over from the night before, and like I say I wasn't really digging her that much, but she was naked and willing so I figured what the hell.

The sex was pretty standard, nothing too surprising or exciting from either of us. I finally shot my load into the rubber and gave a last few strokes to finish her off. Well, the combination of my hangover and lack of enthusiasm had my dick shrivel up almost instantly after popping. As I pulled out I realized, to my horror, that the rubber wasn't swinging off the tip like normal. It was buried somewhere deep inside her cooch, loaded with spooge. She was still doing her post-coital comedown routine, and hadn't noticed the wet shrivelled noodle between my legs, or the unhappy frown on my face.

The way i saw it, I had three options:
1. Tell her, and offer to fish it out
2. Tell her, and let her deal with it
3. Don't say a word, usher her out of the house with $20 for a cab, and hope she never calls me again

I was just about resigned to either #1 or #2, although a dark voice in the back of my head made a strong case for #3. Luckily, just as she opened her eyes, inspiration struck. I asked her if she'd ever experienced a g-spot orgasm, and slipped a finger back in her. Stroking along the upper part of her vag, my fingers just happened to brush the rubber ring around the base of the condom. Focusing all my will on it, I was able to coax it from her dripping gash into the palm of my hand, where I crumpled it up and concealed it in my fingers.

When her head rocked back in the heat of the moment, I grabbed it with my other hand and dropped it behind me. I think it fell off the bed and into her purse, because i never saw it again. Thankfully she had a gushing orgasm that flooded the duvet, expelling any lingering swimmers that may have seeped out of the Durex while it lay next to her cervix. I've never been so grateful to have to do laundry.

lol

shiit... I think I told that story on CV already.

oh man, the "lost" condom sucks! requiem, she should be happy the way you went about it. there's nothing MORE embarassing then having him dig for the long lost condom.

surely the "wrong hole" story would not be entertaining for anyone. nothing like a full fledged ram up the butt when you're not expecting it to ruin the mood.

... and then there was the time I was over at a girl's house. We'd been dating for about three weeks, and were starting to figure out how comfortable we were with each other. It was the middle of summer, that really hot sticky time of year when you always feel sweaty.

We'd just had a midafternoon shag, and were both slick and sweaty. I went to the bathroom and jumped in the shower, closing the door behind me. I didn't think we were at the "open bathroom door" stage yet.

The water was nice and semi-cool, felt great as it sluiced over me and down my back. I felt a little internal pressure in the gut, and tested it with a small push. I was rewarded with a tiny fart that was relatively inoffensive to any of the senses. Encouraged by my small success, I pushed harder for the big show. Instead of a larger version of the first little toot, I got a short blast of air followed by nine inches of hard compressed fecal matter. I had just shït in her tub.

Before i even had time to react, the bathroom door opened. Apparently she had decided to move up the schedule, and begin shared bathroom priviledges. I listened in stunned horror as she came walking in, lifted the toilet lid, and sat down. My mind raced as I listened to the stream of her pee hit the still water of the bowl. What were my options here? What was she planning? I asked her, through the shower curtain, not to flush while I was under the water. She giggled and said something noncommital. I was in full-on panic mode now. What if she wanted to join me in the shower after she finished pissing?

i get $75 next time at Shoppers. i love la roche
pretty much all i can relate to in this thread. amusing stuff though

I can't believe I actually read that last story while eating AND laughed.

i call bull sheit on the turd ferguson story.

cool story hansell!!

Requiem, you are the epitomy of CV.

...when i was f@cking her clit, alittle bit of pre-cum came out.