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3/24/2008 6:31:00 PM
Ethnic Oxymorons
Vancouver is a city of many cultures and nationalities. Since moving from the US, I've experienced these ethnicities not only here but during my overseas travels. And I've "spent quality time" (dated / slept with / received blow/hand jobs from / collected money from) with most of them too... so my info here is first hand.
Here are the straight facts on what I call "Ethnic Oxymorons". In short, with but a few exceptions, the following simply don't exist:
1. The Trustworthy Persian Guy
Don't trust them to sell you a car, babysit your girlfriend, or hold onto your cash for more than 7 minutes. I don't trust them any farther than I can throw them ... which happens to be about 35 feet in the case of one such kebab restaurant owner in Seattle last summer.
2. The Fine Smelling East Indian
A blend of masala, cardamom and various colored chilis, these buggers not only make your car smell, most haven't heard of deodorant. Commonly avoided by other dudes in gay circles, they simply ruin the party. Sure, in some cirlces the aroma of a hindu is a positive thing, but not my circle buddy.
3. The Sober Native Guy
Why is it whenever you see a native guy in a bar, he's almost always slobbering with his shirt hanging out? Did he just get paid? The very VERY few native dudes you see that aren't piss-tank drunk, well, if you ask them where they're from, they claim to "be hispanic". What does that tell you?
4. The Generous Mexican
Coming from a country where a bag of frijoles costs as little as 10 cents and you can get a handjob for a quarter, does it surprise you to find that akin to certain middle eastern individuals, these dudes are some of the cheapest fuuckers around? Beaten only in cheapness than black dudes who have to pay cover charge.
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3/24/2008 6:34:00 PM
5. The Well Groomed Greek
Preferring non-hairy men, I opt away from Greeks or "spartans" as they like to call themselves more recently. A combination of part man, part simian, these guys' hairy body, facial and crown hair are rivaled only by their lack of dental hygiene. Wanna ruin a wedding, invite some greek dudes and bring on the moussaka.
6. The Muscular Chinaman
I've never seen a buffed out Chinese guy. Oh sure, get out the 2.5" 3cc butt injectors and these guys might balloon out somewhere between the Months of May and September, but catch them attending their nephew's birthday party in November and see how skinny and frail they are. The only REAL buffed out chinamen are not chinese, they're mongolian.
7. The Masculine Thai Guy
Eyebrows better than Paris Hilton. Wear heels better than my sister. 250 baht for a happy ending massage. These guys hit the bottom of the list on the firm handshake scale. Oh, so you think muay thai kickboxing is tough? I'll let you in on a secret. ALL, and I mean ALL the muay thai champions are not thai... they're indonesian.
8. The Intelligent Polish Dude
Ever since Dale Sawicki in 4th grade I've known these fuuckers to be idiots. Useless communicators and even more useless at calculating the change from a dollar bill, these characters take the cake on sheer stupidity. Good only for making cabbage rolls and lifting heavy objects, they're best left to natural selection; nature will weed them out eventually. And don't expect anyone named Monika to be any smarter.
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3/24/2008 6:34:00 PM
9. The Well Dressed Russian Dude
Black dress pants and 3/4 leather jackets are so 1998 boys. Get with the times, and get a fashion coordinator. Ok, sometimes you get a guy with a russian accent that looks pretty hot and well appointed. In this case, remember that the former soviet union encompassed a lot of countries. Anyone coming from somewhere like the Ukraine is going to sound Russian.
10. The Great Smiling Korean Fella
If I had the fortune to donate large amounts of money to charity, it would be in the nature of complimentary dental plans for Koreans. The king when it comes to eliciting a "WHOA NELLIE!" out of you when they smile, these guys appear to never have discovered toothpaste let alone orthodontics. To be polite, the Japanese and most other asians (with the exception of those coming out of Singapore) aren't much better in the smile department.
11. The Classy Philippino
Leave it to the flip invited to your brother's black tie formal wedding to wear running shoes with his suit. Hey, some of us wear track suits and ginch-gonches around the house. By contrast, you'll find these losers wearing a 2bit walmart wifebeater and fruit of the loom ginch around his home 24-7 (because most of them don't work, preferring to let their sig other bring in the dough from the nurse job at the care centre.) And why do you think you never find a hot chick with a philippino dude? Because they lack the class in not only dress code but in their inability to stop talking about their latest trip to Manila. Oh, if you DO see a hot chick with a flip? Its because he's loaded, no doubt because he just received an inheritance from his dead Aunt's estate.
Just so you know.
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3/24/2008 7:15:00 PM
hahahahaha!!! well thought out!!
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3/24/2008 10:54:00 PM
I second that...this is the funniest thing I read in a while.
That's totally true. You will definitely not find a hot chick with a filipino dude. The hot filipinas usually date white or chinese and not other filipinos. Can you switch the ethnicities for no. 1 and no 2 and still have it work out?
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3/27/2008 3:49:00 PM
You left out The Brave Frenchman.
Regards,
OF
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3/27/2008 3:54:00 PM
^^ YOURE PERMABANNED!!!!!! cheerbunnie is very atrractive!!
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Kimia
Oldschool CVer (4462posts)
3/27/2008 4:37:00 PM
These stereo types usually stem from living in Vancouver, not traveling abroad for an extensive period. Traveling made me second guess all my assumptions and made me much more humble and appreciative of various cultures.
P.S. I am Persian and your stereo types apply perfectly to young Persian guys living here. If you visit Iran, you will not encounter this often. It'll be very rare. The reason is the religion. Islam prohibits against everything you claim and since most people there are deeply religious, their beliefs usually trump over their temptation. Some of the most honest and humble people I have met in my life are Persians.
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3/27/2008 5:33:00 PM
I can't wait to travel to see how ethnicities really are. You can't put a person of a specific ethinicity in a country that is not native to them and expect them to behave as if they are in their natural habitat. Change is hard on people.
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Kimia
Oldschool CVer (4462posts)
3/27/2008 5:39:00 PM
^ Exactly.
Same goes to Thai boxers.... you never know just how capable and strong they are until you watch them in their home country, kicking the **** of our each other. I got to know some of them personally and they were 100% Thai.
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3/27/2008 5:52:00 PM
YOU MAY THINKS ITS FUNNY BUT I THINKS IT RACIST BULL****
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3/27/2008 6:06:00 PM
You guys are putting way too much into this. I think Damascus was just being funny and pointing out some humorous stereotypes.
It just so happens that I know plenty of East Indians who are dumber than most Pollacks and many Greek guys who smell just as bad as some East Indians.
Regards,
OF
P.S. Tyson is dumb AND stinks.
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3/27/2008 6:21:00 PM
LMAO
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3/27/2008 11:33:00 PM
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3/28/2008 9:25:00 AM
Now do the black French men lol good all man you just single handily saved my Friday for that I am indebted to you not only in this life but the next.
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4/15/2008 2:17:00 PM
Ever since Dale Sawicki in 4th grade I've known these fuuckers to be idiots.
hahaha!
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4/16/2008 4:03:00 AM
vat?
nat trru
i wuck in caszino
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10/29/2008 11:02:00 AM
Hey Tonya, you asked where it was, so I'm reviving it.
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10/29/2008 12:54:00 PM
You forgot -Black guy with out an attitude
-non-materialistic,low maintenance,non-bitchy, Japanese chick(or any other of Asian descent)
BTW- Never trust a EI with anything either
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10/29/2008 1:41:00 PM
White is Right.
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10/29/2008 2:00:00 PM
i have one: a WASP that doesn't whine?
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